


Give Thy Thoughts No Tongue

by sportivetricks (tamlane)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Harry Potter, Curses, F/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, but suffice it to say it merits the mature rating, various snippets of female fantasy i can't be bothered to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamlane/pseuds/sportivetricks
Summary: Harry gets hit by a hex that gives him more information than he needed about some of the women in his life.
Relationships: Parvati Patil/Harry Potter
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66
Collections: A Very Harry Birthday!





	Give Thy Thoughts No Tongue

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW, I KNOW, no actual smut. D: I'm sorry, Daye, they all just wanted to fantasize about him. And who wouldn't?
> 
> This is sooooo tropey and clearly ripped off from the movie _What Women Want_ , though I do hope I gave it a worthy HP spin ~~at the very last minute and unbeta'd~~. Thanks to The Bard for the title.
> 
> A very happy 40th birthday to Mr. Harry Potter, and a big hats off to [lightofdaye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightofdaye/pseuds/lightofdaye) and [torino10154](https://archiveofourown.org/users/torino10154/pseuds/torino10154) for organizing the party.

"Not to worry, Harry," said Katie Bell, making notes on her Healer's clipboard. "It doesn't appear to be anything serious. Vitals are all fine, and everything seems intact upstairs, as far as I can tell. You probably missed the full brunt of whatever it was."

"Yeah, thanks, Katie, I wouldn't have stopped by, but..."

Katie smirked. "Hermione made you?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "Something about a potential liability." 

"Sounds about right." She turned around to retrieve something from the cabinet behind her. _Too bad, really. Not that I'd wish a curse on anyone, much less Harry Potter. But I wouldn't mind having him on my examining table for a full physical._

Harry jerked the examining table blanket over his lap. "What?" he asked.

Katie turned back around with a small phial in her hand. "What?" she asked, blinking.

"Did you... say something?"

"I said sounds about right." 

"No, after that."

"No." Katie narrowed her eyes. "Why? Did you hear something?"

Harry shook his head vehemently. "No."

"Well," Katie said, handing him a small green phial, "take this. It's a calming draught."

"Ah, you know, I'm not too keen on—"

"Oh, just take the phial like a good boy so I can check my boxes here," Katie said, rolling her eyes. "You don't have to drink it. And anyway, I don't think you'll need it. If there are any residual effects, they'll probably be gone in a few hours."

_Fuck, I'm hungry. No fucking chance of a proper lunch today, either. Back-to-back until four, ughhh. Wonder if Harry ever gets lunch? Maybe someday I'll ask. Nahh, don't want him to get the right idea. Definitely no time for all that, and there's no way Harry Potter would be up for casual—_

"Katie?" Harry butted in. On her thoughts, obviously. Because her lips weren't moving. 

"Yeah?"

"Can I go now?"

Katie opened the door with a weary smile. "Yes, Harry," she said, ripping off the parchment from her clipboard and handing it to him. "The wizarding world awaits. Go save it."

"Thanks." He didn't waste any time getting out the door.

_What a body. Almost makes up for the hair._

Harry stuffed the parchment in his robes and clutched the phial tightly in his hand, dashing down the corridor. Something was definitely not intact upstairs. But maybe it was a random thing. Maybe it was just Katie. He always had quite enjoyed her company. Yeah, maybe it was just a _person-he-liked_ thing. 

He rounded a corner and nearly collided with a huge armful of boxes.

"Watch it!" yelled a voice from behind the boxes. The boxes turned sideways, and Pansy Parkinson glared at him from behind them. "Potter," she said, her lip curling. "What are you doing here?"

Harry blinked. "Exercising my rights to Healer-Patient confidentiality?"

_Oh, he thinks he's so clever, doesn't he? Wouldn't be so clever tied to my bed with his arse in the air and a mouthful of knickers, and fuck him for even making me think such things, with his stupid glasses and his stupid hero thing and his stupid—_

"What are _you_ doing here?" Harry asked, eyeing the boxes.

"Delivering lunches," Pansy replied. "That's right. I deliver lunches. Happy? You can thank your dear, sweet friend Granger and her bleeding heart for landing me a house-elf's job. And no, before you ask, I haven't poisoned anyone. Yet." _Go on, rub it in my face. Go on._

"I know a Healer who'll be glad to see you," Harry said, making for the stairwell.

So it wasn't just people he liked. He dashed down the stairs, hoping for a discreet exit and wondering what to do next. He had to go back to the Ministry, to drop off the papers to Hermione, if nothing else. 

_Oh no, Hermione_ , he thought as he headed up the street. No, no, she'd never have thoughts like that about him, right? She was like his sister. But he didn't want to hear any of her thoughts. 

Harry took the back way, Apparating to the outside of the Ministry once he was in the clear. This was seriously messed up. He shouldn't have been so careless, but it had only been a house call to a little old lady. He never expected her to be so jumpy. At least he hoped she'd just been jumpy and a bit senile because if she'd _meant_ to do this to him...

It was dead lunchtime, so he managed to get to the Ministry lifts without running directly into anyone else. He gratefully stepped into an empty lift and pressed the button for Level Two. 

The lift stopped at the next floor, and Demelza Robins stepped into it, clutching an armful of files. "Oh. Hiya, Harry," she said, blushing a bit.

The doors closed before he could get out. "Hi, Demelza. All right?"

"Mm-hmm. You?

"Fine, thanks."

_Oh god, it's him. It's Harry. OK, just act normal. What's normal? Should I try to make small talk? God, I would give anything, anything to be in an interrogation room with him for ten minutes. I'd beg him to let me go, tell him I'd do anything, anything, god, he's so hot when gets worked up, I wonder if he'd fuck my face, just stuff his whole fucking cock down my throat and—_

Harry slammed the elevator button for the next floor.

Demelza squeaked, hugging her files to her chest, but she didn't say anything.

The door rattled open. "Hey Demelza?" Harry said as he stepped out, unable to help himself. "Try to stay out of trouble, all right?"

He heard another squeak as the doors closed behind him.

This was a disaster. He took the stairs to Level Two, two at a time. A few hours? He looked at his watch. He didn't have a few hours. He was meant to be out making calls this afternoon. There was no way that was happening.

Harry was halfway down the Level Two corridor when Hermione rounded a corner, looking frazzled. "Harry!" she exclaimed. "Oh thank goodness, you're back. You don't look so well. How did it go?"

He held up his hands. "Hermione, please just... don't think anything." Yes, Harry fully appreciated the absurdity of the request, considering who he was talking to. He kept walking.

"What do you mean don't think anything?" Hermione snapped, right at his heels. "You did go to St. Mungo's, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I went."

 _Well there's a shocker. He listened to me for once._ She tugged on his robes, making him turn around. "And the proof?" she demanded, holding out her hand.

With a sigh, Harry dug in his robes, pulled out the parchment, and stuffed it in her hand.

Hermione unrolled it at once, eyes scanning over the contents. When she got to the bottom, she gave a slight smirk. _Katie Bell, ha. Bet she enjoyed that._

Harry turned to escape. He had to get to his office and away from people.

"Harry? Harry, where are you going?" Hermione demanded. "Are you sure you're all right? Do you need to take the afternoon off?" _I wish he'd take Ron with him._

Harry stopped abruptly, turning around. Ron. "Where's Ron?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "Last I checked, he was making a total arse of himself in the conference room. Smith again. Harry..."

Harry was at the conference room in seconds, flinging open the door, and not a minute too soon from the looks of it. Ron and Zacharias Smith were right in each others' faces, yelling insults.

"Ron," Harry interrupted firmly. "I need you. Get lost, Smith. We're told you we're not bargaining. Ron. Now. _Please._ "

"What's up, mate?"

Harry ushered Ron into his office and closed the door, casting a few charms just to be sure they weren't overheard. "Listen," Harry said, turning to his bewildered best friend. "I know this is going to sound crazy. But I need you to think something. About me."

Ron looked him up and down. "I think you look like you've gone round the bend. What's going on?"

"No," Harry said slowly, "I need you to think something... in your head... about me."

"All right," Ron replied. He stared silently at Harry for a few moments.

"Are you doing it?" Harry asked.

"Yeah."

"Right now?" Harry asked a little more desperately.

"Yeah, I'm thinking maybe Hermione was right to send you to St. Mungo's," Ron said. "But whatever you do, don't tell her that."

"All right," Harry said, pacing around the small area in front of his desk. "So it's just women."

"Huh?"

"Women," Harry repeated, rubbing his forehead. "I got hit by that hex, and now I can hear what they're thinking, and it's..."

"It's what?" Ron asked curiously.

Harry stopped pacing, looking up at Ron from under his hand. "Distracting."

Ron suddenly looked excited. "Can you find out what Hermione wants for her birthday? She's acting like I ought to know. Gets mad whenever I ask."

"Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea," Harry said. "Listen, I'm just going to..." He looked at the pile of files and parchments on his desk. "...do some paperwork."

"You _have_ gone round the bend," Ron replied with a smirk.

"Do you think you could stand watch a bit? Try and keep women out of my office for the next few hours?"

"Sure, mate," Ron replied, waving his wand over the door and opening it. He lowered his voice. "But if it was me..." He raised one eyebrow. "I'm just saying, once in a lifetime chance here, isn't it?"

"Let's hope so."

An hour went by without disturbance. The paperwork didn't get done, but the stack made a great surface for Harry to beat his head against. This was the worst possible day for this to happen. He was meant to be meeting Parvati for dinner. He was going to have to cancel. Again. That's all there was to it. She'd been so understanding about his hectic schedule so far, but he knew everyone had their limits, and he wanted to see her so badly, and—

The office door burst open.

"Harry!"

"Sorry, Harry, I tried, but this one wasn't having it."

Harry looked up to find Angelina Johnson standing in his door, a mixture of anger and desperation on her face. She flung herself forward, stopping with her hands on the edge of his desk. 

"You've got to take care of this Williams business for me," she said. "He's our star Chaser, and we're already down two matches, and we can't lose to the Wanderers, we can't, McLaggen will be insufferable. Harry, please!"

Harry rubbed his eyes. "Look, Angelina, I told you, I tried, but Magical Transportation has my hands tied. Williams did get caught tampering with broomsticks."

"But not for Quidditch!" Angelina spat. "Harry, you know that bloke in Magical Transportation has it out for me. Probably betting against us. Don't give me this red tape nonsense. You're Harry Potter. You can do anything."

_Please, please, please, don't make me grovel. Don't make me slam this door and promise to make it worth your time. Not that you'd take me up on it, but fucking hell, I could stand to blow off some steam right now myself, and you never were hard on the eyes, and—_

"All right. _All right_ ," Harry said. "I'll ask Hermione what she can do. She doesn't like that bloke, either. Nobody does. Maybe she can dig up some fine print somewhere to waive Williams' suspension."

Angelina stood up straight, relief clearly washing over her. "Harry, you're the best." The fierce tone returned quickly. "I need him back yesterday, but Wednesday will do if it takes that long. _Please_ don't let it take that long." 

"Yeah, got it," Harry said. "Listen, I'm sorry, Angelina, but I'm buried here."

_I could just snog him silly._

" _Really_ buried."

"Thanks, Harry," Angelina said, straightening her robes. "I owe you one." _And I can think of several choice ways I'd like to—_

"Don't mention it," Harry said, waving her out of his office.

Ron was behind her, giving Harry an eager look.

"You don't want to know," Harry said, shooing Ron away as well.

Another hour went by. Harry eyed the calming draught. Maybe he could still make it for dinner with Parvati if he took a sip or two. No, no, the last thing he needed was to be foggy-brained in front of Parvati. And what if she _didn't_ think things about him? Those kinds of things. Of all the women he'd heard thinking today, there were none he'd want to hear more, but...

Six o'clock finally rolled around. Harry could tell the office had emptied out. His quill hovered over an empty piece of parchment. He couldn't do it. He couldn't cancel again, least of all by owl. He was just going to have to meet Parvati in person and explain, if nothing else. 

He grabbed a dinner jacket hanging on the back of his office door. He stopped by the loo and tried to freshen himself up as best he could, but there was nothing for it when it came to his hair. With a sigh, he headed for the restaurant.

He was a little late, as usual. He stood in the archway to the dining room, looking at Parvati, who was not looking at her watch or the clock. She was merely engrossed in the menu, patiently awaiting his arrival. She was wearing a silky turquoise dress with a dipping neckline. Her long, dark hair was half up, and the rest hung over her shoulder, shining in the low candlelight, begging for fingers to comb through it. Her lips were a deep shade of claret red.

Harry was glad the hex didn't work both ways because his thoughts were far from dinner.

He made his way to the table.

"Harry!" Parvati said breathlessly as he pulled out the chair opposite her.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Harry said. He paused, waiting... maybe even hoping, against his conscience, to overhear a little something.

Nothing came. As Katie had suspected, it had finally worn off. Parvati just stared up at him for a few moments with those big, black, shining eyes. 

"No worries," she said. "I'll spring for the lobster, and we'll call it even, yeah?"

Harry laughed. "Yeah. Sounds good."

"Oh, Harry," Parvati said, shaking her head. "I know it's no way to start a date—"

 _A date_ , Harry thought with a slight thrill running down his middle.

"—and it's nothing compared to law enforcement, I know. But you wouldn't _believe_ the day I've had."

"Oh yeah?" Harry said, pouring them some wine from the carafe. "Tell me all about it."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are lovely to receive. :)
> 
> You can find me @sportivetricks on [tumblr](https://sportivetricks.tumblr.com) and [dreamwidth](https://sportivetricks.dreamwidth.org).


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